http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5106610/1/Dead_Confederates
http://twilighted.net/viewstory.php?sid=5467
Official Description: When you can live forever, what do you live for? “A slow paced southern mix of broads, booze, and blood, incongruous with my previous incarnations. Then I met Bella." Follow Eddie, a sardonic Johnnie Reb as he faces an unforeseen future. AU, sexy, scary!
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ooohlalaaa says: To be completely honest, when I first saw this, I thought someone was messing with me and giving me crack!fic. Then, I started reading, and realized I was totally wrong. Not only is it not crack!fic, but it is by far the funniest fanfic that I have ever read. Edward is this hillbilly vampire, who lives with Emmett in a double wide. No, I’m not kidding, just read it. Seriously, Edward has the most hilarious, entertaining, inappropriate internal monologue I have seen thus far. Not that there are many AU fics where Edward is a Confederate vampire, but you get what I mean. It is only three chapters in, but that doesn’t matter, because you will be hooked halfway through the first chapter. I was going to try to pick my favorite quote, but there are far too many for me to choose, so I’ll just go with this one:
“He knew better than anyone that I wasn’t gettin' any good lovin' because of some irritatingly, beautiful brunette at Mama Brown’s who was making my balls turn an unsightly shade of blue. Not my style, at all. I wanted to rip her head from her shoulders, spit in her face, slap her ass, suck her empty, and fuck her six ways to Sunday all at the same time.”
Swoon.
Kassiah says: I really can't add anything more that what my girl ooohlalaaa already said. This story is truly hilarious. I swear to rob, I was tweeting my favorite quotes throughout the entire first chapter and trying to catch my breath the entire time. Seriously, they shop at Piggly Wiggly and hunt possums! Humor aside, another thing that I really love about this story is that although Confederateward is fuckhot and completely out of character, he has many of the traits of the Edward that we have come to know and love. Not to mention that the author and all of the ladies at the Twilighted forum bring an added level of camaraderie and southern hospitality to this story. Go see 'em, they'll roll out the welcome mat for ya! This story is a do not miss. But be warned, do not consume any beverages while you are reading.
Friday, June 26, 2009
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4 comments:
This story is fuckawesome! A must read! Confeddie Eddie Rebelward makes you want to lick his cuntish mouth and hug his selfloathing heart all at the same time. The characterizations are phenomenal and as ooc as they are they all still retain so much of their canon attributes that they are never unrecognizable.
One of the best descriptions of Alice (Alice who?) I have ever read. Everyone is broken and frayed, crass and brash, sweaty and smutty, absofuckinglutely delightful.
The style that Goldenmeadow employs in writing it is poetic. She weaves the funny, the angst and the smutty effortlessly together to create a visual and compositional masterpiece. She is truly a dreamweaver and an absolute revelation who has been overlooked for far too long.
Read it. You won't regret it.
Do I get to be the first to comment? Wooooooooooooo!!! this is goldenmeadow's beta, Vanessarae. I want to thank you ladies for this rec. You truly do not understand what it means to Rie (goldenmeadow). She's worked her butt off to get to this point, and I've had to keep her collar on and hold her back for awhile, all with the promise that I knew she would get noticed eventually. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Damn you Tosh. You beat me to hitting post.
The Shit? I'm late to my own coming out party? Fuckin' A.
ooohlalaa, Kassiah, you done Eddie proud! Mother fucker is speechless for the first time ever, and that is saying a lot! Thank you, aw shucks, and all that stuff!
And what can I say, I've got the most indredible fic-friends a sassy southern girl could ever have. See above!
Chapter four will be out later today...there are several teasers on my thread. We give good RPorn for newbies and we're all-around fuck-brills.
Cheers!
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