http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5076325/1/He_Caulks_By_Night
Official Description: Edward’s a simple town Caulker, he meats Bella who’s more into welding, can they ever find common ground? NB- This may not actually be the plot. One-play.
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mskathy says: What is there to say about a story called He Caulks By Night? I must confess, I love a good pun and double entendre. We learn of Edward’s near-obsession with caulking, and his boat. There are takes on canon quotes, such as “Alice, About three things I am absolutely positive. First, Edward is a caulker… “ Alice refers to Reneesmee as a mutant freak, how can you not love that?. The last third of this story is full of twists and turns, and I’d hate to spoil it, but let’s just say that Jacob shows up – packin’ a nail gun. This oneshot will take you less than 10 minutes to read, but will hopefully provide you with giggles, if you enjoy a good caulking, like I do.
MF’er says: K, not gonna lie – I like this one mainly because of the word ‘caulk’ and mskathy totally pulled my favorite quote – every time I read it I am reduced into an absolute fit of giggles and I have to stop reading. It took me about fifty tries just to make it through this. Edward is addicted to caulking, Bella just wants his gun to inject some caulk into her and Alice refers to Reneesme as a mutant freak (How perfect is that?). When Bella voices her concerns with her lack of caulk and decides to go to Jacob to get nailed… she’s in for a rude awakening.
To finish my favorite quote… I just have to throw this in:
“Second, there was a part of him, and I didn’t know how dominant that part might be, that wanted to be nailed.” Bella finished her thought, as she drove back from La Push. “Third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with two gay men who preferred swordplay”
What part of that is not absolute pure fucking win?
Kassiah says: Yeah I can’t really add much to what the honorable and illustrious MsKathy said, except “…I can’t pretend that I haven’t thought about being nailed myself…” *snicker*
mozzer0906 says: This one shot reminds me of a little fun size pack of m&ms, you tear it open and pop them in your mouth and you are delighted by its yummy goodness for a short while. This is a quick read, but it will enchant you and make you giggle at the use of caulking and nailing as sexual references. Some good things do come in small packages – and I am not speaking of Edward’s caulk gun either.
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