Died and Gone to Heaven by DoUTrustMe

Official Description:

Accidents happen. Sometimes you die and meet God. Sometimes you live and meet SexGod. B&E. AH. AU.

Word Count: 36,411

Don’t miss the outtake, BEG.

Died and Gone to Heaven is a light-hearted, eight-chapter romantic comedy in which Bella awakens in a hospital bed with amnesia and discovers her doctor is a velvet-voiced, drop-dead gorgeous, green-eyed sex-god whose care and bedside manner are closer to that of a boyfriend than of a clinician.

[dcs_p]“God, is that you?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“If you want to call me that.” Velvet Voice was back and levitating somewhere near my head.[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]I pried opened both eyes and saw sparkling green eyes in the face of an angel. Apparently, I had died and gone to heaven.[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Can I have a mirror?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” his perfect lips said to me. I fixated on them.[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Am I hideous?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“No, you’re very pretty.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“I feel hideous.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Do you? Why is that?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“I need a bath.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“I could give you a sponge bath. Your stitches and cast shouldn’t be soaked.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“You’re a doctor, right? Not some perv off the street coming in to offer me a sponge bath?” I was back to his eyes. I couldn’t decide if his ass, eyes or his lips were better, but I thought I should look at his eyes since he was sitting on his ass.[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“So the certificates on my office wall say.” His green eyes twinkled. “Don’t worry. I’ve already seen your lady bits. And I had a peek at your boobs while you were asleep. They are spectacular, but I’m a real doctor. I don’t just play one on T.V.”[/dcs_p]

This Bella one sassy, funny lady and both her inner dialogue and flirtatious conversations with her velvet-voiced Dr. God will have you laughing your ass off!

We soon find out that Dr. God is actually Dr. Edward Cullen and that Bella is his newlywed wife. Bella can remember nothing of the good doctor, but she finds herself undeniably attracted to him. She makes lists of his physical assets that she often revises and adds to.

Bella quickly discovers that she and Dr. SexGod had a very active and somewhat kinky sex life. This explains her excessive horniness and intense attraction to the husband she doesn’t remember.

[dcs_p]“Don’t we have sex in the mornings?” I asked.[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Usually.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“How many times a day do we usually have sex?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Morning. Noon. Night. Sometimes during the night. Sometimes early in the morning. Sometimes in the afternoon. Sometimes mid morning.”[/dcs_p]

The author builds great sexual tension between Bella and Edward as Bella draws more and more details of their life together from him. But she still can’t remember the past, and with doctors telling her there is no obvious reason for her amnesia to continue, she starts to wonder why it is that she’s blocking Edward and their history together.

Bella’s quest to remember her husband and their life together is wrought with more hilarity and endearing interactions between the two, especially when we find out how long they’ve actually known each other and exactly how Bella ended up with amnesia in the first place.

Died and Gone to Heaven is one of the funniest, most engaging stories I’ve read… and I know you’ll think so too.

Last year, I joined up to do some fic diving with TLYDF (RIP), and this was actually my dive pick. The rec I wrote last May actually never got posted, so I’m finally getting to share it with all of you today:

I dove, and I dove… and then I dove again. My one goal being to find something that actually made me laugh. I didn’t care whether or not the writing was perfect or who the characters were, I just wanted something that would make me giggle. This story did that for me, the summary alone sucked me in; I just had to click and find out what it was all about.

The first chapter is a series of scenes (all dialogue) and we discover that the character doesn’t know if she’s alive or dead, or who it is that she’s talking to. In fact, she doesn’t even remember her own name…

[dcs_p]“Do you know your first name?” Velvet Voice asked softly.[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]I tried to find it in inside my head somewhere, but couldn’t. “No.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Do you know what year this is?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Two thousand and … something. Eight? Nine? Ten?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“How old are you?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Somewhere between twenty five and twenty eight, I think.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Do you know your name now?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“No.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“What shall we call you then?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“How about Tallulah? I’ve always liked that name.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“All right then, Tallulah, I want you to get some rest.” Velvet Voice was caring and concerned.[/dcs_p]

We come to find out that she’s been in an accident, and in the process, seems to have lost the memory of not only herself, but her husband and their life as well.

[dcs_p]“Are you going to give me a sponge bath still?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“If you’d like.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Can I give you a sponge bath after? It’s only fair, really. Quid pro quo.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Normally, I’d say yes, but I don’t want you to get your cast wet.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Do you give all your patients sponge baths?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“No, just the ones with spectacular boobs.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Do you let all your patients give you a sponge bath?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Same answer I just gave.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“You’re a boob man?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Some doctors specialize in pediatrics, some in anesthesia, I specialize in spectacular boobs.”[/dcs_p]

The plot itself is pretty simple and hilariously ridiculous. Bella’s goal is to remember who she was—and in the process—remember the man whom she refers to as ‘God’ and several other giggle-worthy nicknames.

Once she’s released from the hospital, her goal kind of shifts from remembering him, to mainly just getting him naked so she can have sex with him again and adding items to the ever growing list of things she thinks she might love about him.

[dcs_p]“Did we decorate this tree?”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]“Yes, we did it together and then we drank hot cider with cinnamon and sang Christmas carols at the piano. And then we had sex on top of the piano.”[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]I looked at the piano. It was a shiny, black baby grand. I willed the piano to tell me all the juicy details. The piano just sat there.[/dcs_p]

[dcs_p]Stupid shiny, black piano.[/dcs_p]

The chapters continue in pretty much this same manner, Bella’s inner monologue is snort-worthy and fun. Like I said before, this isn’t something you should go into thinking it’ll be Pulitzer worthy, it’s simply for entertainment. And it definitely kept me entertained, so I hope it does the same for you.

I love this fic. That is all.

[dcs_p][/dcs_p]