Official Description:Swimming with the sharks is just part of the high school experience, but navigating the social relationships at an elite prep school, Bella finds that getting on Rosalie’s bad side is like adding chum to the water. AH OOC ExB eventually, M for sex, drugs.
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I first came by Disappear Here when I was begging for my favorite kind of candy: The All-Human, High School fic. I’ve waxed poetic before about my special love for this type of fic, however, having read so many of them, my patience has worn…a little thin. At this point, while I’m willing to put up with a mediocre AH HS fic, in order for it to own my heart, it has to be exceptional on multiple levels. I need angst. I need sex. Some boozing/drugging is nice, because it reflects my own HS reality. Above all? It has to be very, very well written.
So when I started skimming through Disappear Here, I noticed that my little mental list of “must haves” was becoming fulfilled at an alarming rate. In the very first chapter, there was snot-sobbing heartbreak, a hazy hangover, and even some boob gropage. Excellent.
What I hadn’t expected, even after that first chapter, was the absolute perfection of each sentence, each word, of Disappear Here. As the story unfolds, it become apparent that Bella has been making time (and love) with a girl. The photos get posted on Facebook, and the rumor mill and bitch brigade swing into gear, full steam ahead. Jasper, the boy next door (literally) comes to her rescue, and Bella ends up getting socially adopted by him and his friends, Emmett and Edward.
Time passes and while Bella’s body belongs to Jasper, and her heart belongs to the girl she lost, her mind begins, more and more, to belong to Edward Cullen.
Now, I have to take a moment here and express to you how much I adore this iteration of Edward. This is, perhaps, the most perfect Edward there ever was. He is aloof, yet kind, brusque, yet caring, and bored, filthy rich, and…perhaps…nursing a bit of a crush on our Bella:
And then the unspeakable happened. Edward, still bent over me, his face inches from mine, my shaking sides still in his arms, looked me in the eyes and grinned. Not a smirk, not a wan smile, a true, honest to fucking God, grin. Hell, he beamed. And that grin. Shit. It wasn’t just like the clouds had opened up and the sun was shining through. It was like the sun was shining through and it was my birthday and I was riding a magical pony all at the same time. It’s like his face had been touched by pure joy, and I’d made it happen. It was like drugs and sex and power all at once. I wanted to cook it up and shoot it. I wanted it to live inside of me. Hell, I wanted to do anything to make it happen again.
I just stared at him, mesmerized and breathless, as I leaned against his arms, letting him support me, my hair brushing the floor. His grin faded as he righted me, but his eyes remained locked on mine, his stare intense and probing. And then, in the time it took to blink and lick my lips, the angst flooded back into his face, and he stepped away from me, his posture stiff and formal.
*sigh*
See what I mean?
Add to that a Jasper who is so mellow you’ll feel you’ve accidentally imbibed opium, and an Emmett who is effusive, crude, and absolutely charming, and you have a recipe for fic happiness the likes of which I have seldom seen before. And I read a LOT of fic.
But as if all these players weren’t enough, there’s still the matter of “The Creeper.”
Yes, Bella has her very own creeper, who talks to her via email:
To: Imswan stcatherine . edu
From: 5321445 gmail . com Subject: Love is something to be proud of
Rosalie was never worthy of your esteem, and she’s not worthy of your tears. Her shame over loving you is revolting. It is abhorrent.
How could anyone feel anything but exaltation in loving you? Loving you is natural and right. It’s like the rain in spring, like the moon orbiting the Earth. I revel in my love for you. I rejoice in it. I wear it with honor, with the utmost pride. To do otherwise would be an abomination.
X
Creepy, right?
The writing style for this story is fantastic. H32MH32M flings similes and metaphors as though they were breakfast treats in a waffle house on a Sunday morning, and church just let out:
As I pondered my course of action, my hangover made my thoughts feel cloudy and slick. Hard to hold onto, like bobbing for apples in mud.
H32mh32m is an incredible writer. She has woven a tale of heartbreak, intrigue and high-school-aged cruelty that hasn’t captivated me since the famous (and, IMO, sacred) Scotch, Gin and the New Girl. Do yourself a favor: READ THIS FIC!
When I first started reading Disappear Here all I kept thinking was; “Why did Kass want me to read this?” The beginning of the story was hard for a BxEshipper like me to get through, but once I did, I was so fucking glad that I listened to her and read it.
h32mh32m has such a way with words. Her descriptions of, pretty much everything, had me coming back for more, chapter after chapter.
And, oh, how I hated him in that moment. Because no matter how often he acted like a complete dick, like I was less than a mote of dust to him, like something entirely outside of the realm of his consideration, with that one look, the smallest of smirks, just the briefest hint of attention, the fucker would glamour me. And instantly I’d feel like some kind of tittering school girl, stumbling over myself for his attention, for another shot at his esteem. Because, when he smirked at me with that charming fucking look in his stupid fucking green eyes, like we shared a deliciously salacious joke, I felt like my insides had turned into strawberry soda, all sweet and fizzy. And, I could barely stop myself from batting my eyelashes at him and doodling hearts that said Mrs. Bella Cullen all over the napkin. And even if we were the last two people left on fucking Earth and no one would ever witness my shame, the last thing I wanted to do was give Edward fucking Cullen the satisfaction of seeing me melt over him. The fact that I internally swooned over his stupid fucking smirk was a secret I’d take with me to the grave.
***
I watched him speak. The muscles in his face pushing against the air, kissing it. His lips wrapping around the words like wet grass in a summer rain. I looked up at the sky, but the stars were dim, their light weary from the journey to Earth. So I turned my head back to Edward and watched him shine. The beat and hum of the life under his skin was more beautiful than a ball of burning plasma.
He looked at me, and my breath stilled in my chest, held hostage by his gaze. I closed my eyes, all senses dead except for touch, and I ached to feel his lips against mine. But before I could taste the mouth of an angel, my stomach growled, crushing the moment into a fine dust.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll have to hold your breath to get through those first few chapters, but after that, you’ll be glad you did. Trust me.
I stumbled upon Disappear here in May while browsing someone’s faves, and I was immediately captivated. Only a few weeks later, I felt like everyone was talking about it! Honestly, it’s not difficult for me to understand why. Our fandom, on the whole, seems to eat up high school fics that capture the elements of teen sex, partying, relationships, deceit, and privilege, even when they drift into the realm of taboo (and by taboo, I mean promiscuity and heavy drug use). In the tradition of Cruel Intentions, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill and many other favorites, Disappear Here will have you thinking “Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t be enjoying teenagers leading these kinds of lifestyles, but I can’t help myself!”
The relationships are complicated. The social dynamic can be cruel. Innocent people often fall victim to the vicious whims of the most popular students. (Then again, no one in this story seems to be innocent!) In her time of turmoil and possible ruin, Jasper steps in to help Bella, no questions asked. Sure, he admits to having feelings for her, but the way he cares about her is clear. He pulls Bella out of the fray and into the security of his crowd, including Emmett and Edward, and instead of just shielding and protecting her, they find creative ways of throwing all the drama back in the face of the nasty people who are attacking her.
As the plot develops and expands, the prose becomes more poetic and often heavy, but it suits the story so damn well. Best of all, h32mh32m is a talented writer who really makes it work. Let’s be honest – not every can pull that off. I think that’s part of what sets Disappear Here apart as such a unique and popular fic.
Since I’m not eloquent enough to do this story justice in my rec, I’ll borrow some words from GiveUsAKiss413: It’s just pretty, without being overdone, and it leaves you wanting more without being unsatisfied…And Edward is fantastic, but you don’t realize that until Bella does. Yes, that exactly. Read all the recs, then go enjoy. This is a satisfying read for canon and non-canon lovers alike!
Before I started writing this rec, I checked to see when I put it on my alert list. It was in February. February. And I just finally got the balls to read it, and only after h32mh32m promised to fly down to Louisiana and rewrite any part that makes me cry.
If you know me at all, my recommendation of this story is going to surprise you. Shock you, even. I think I’ve told everyone who will listen that I can’t be friends with them if they don’t read Scotch (except Caitlin), so it’s no surprise that I would want you to read this high-school fic. Everyone knows the way I feel about Rosalie: I hate her guts and want her to DIAV generally don’t like her. I also almost never read stories that aren’t Edward/Bella. This story has Rosalie, who by the way is totally a bitch in this fic, and has a whole lotta Jasperella lemony goo. So what’s the deal? Why am I, self-proclaimed e/b-exclusive wussperv, telling you to stop what you are doing rtfn and read this gem?
Because it’s amazing.
Disappear Here is so well-written and full of deliciousness that I just can’t say enough about it. I can’t believe that this is h32mh32m‘s first time writing. The descriptions. The dialogue. The development. All total win. It’s a story set in high-school, but doesn’t bore you with high-schoolesque cliches. If you are a non-canon lover, this story is perfect for you. This fic has one of the most adorable Emmetts ever and certainly one of the most kick-ass Alices I’ve ever encountered.
I finally took the plunge and tore off the brown paper to reveal a department store box, covered in a collage of tiny glossy dicks. And I chuckled at the thought of Alice bent over a stack of pornos with an exact-o knife, frowning in concentration as she meticulously excised each cock. I carefully cut the tape sealing the box, trying to preserve the masculinity of as many of the models as I could, and shook it open.
Inside were seven crisp, white, dress shirts, each perfectly unique, each absolutely within the guidelines of the dress code, and each utterly raping its spirit. In the back of each shirt, Alice had sewn a tag with embroidery that read, “Fuck yeah, Bella!” or “Alice Cullen Motherfucking Designs.” And on top of the shirts was a handwritten note, the letters drawn in sparkle pen to look like graffiti, which read:
Hey Cuntlicker!
Doucheward e-mailed and said you needed some new shirts, so I had these made up with a quickness. The embroidery on the one with the Peter Pan collar was inspired by Georgia O’Keefe, if you know what I mean (and I think you do), so wear that when you’re feeling particularly cuntish.
I love you, girl. Give those bitches hell.
Alice
The A in Alice was an anarchy symbol, and she’d drawn little stars and hearts and peens around the borders of the paper. That girl had a gift.
If you only want to read Edward and Bella together, this has enough undercurrent going on that you’ll be on the edge of your seat, waiting for every. single. little. thing.
“he smiled his crooked grin. The one that made the rest of the universe dim and my troubles dissolve. The one that made angels weep for the magnitude of their flaws.”
and
At first, he just watched me, sitting on the bed, swilling champagne, keeping his eyes locked on mine. Like he was appraising me. Judging each move and finding it worthy. And I liked it, the feeling of passing muster. Of making the cut. Of impressing even Edward “Zero Degrees Kelvin” Cullen. But I wanted to feel him close to me, and I grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet.
And like at the club, it was magnetic. Electric. Chemical. Like some force of god or nature or science was binding us. Conducting us like an orchestra. And my muscles couldn’t help but stretch as his contracted, like single organism controlled by one brain. As I had a thought it, he acted it, and I merely trailed in his glory. The tail to his comet. And when I’d try to pull away, to assert my own independence, he’d come with me. Follow in my shadow. Be the slave to my master.
The beat slowed, and our movements became more languid to match it. His eyes never left mine, and as my breath slowed, I asked, “You feel this too?”
Plus, it is tagged as an E/B story, and right now is the time to dive in. Another surprise is that I love this Bella.
“And that, right then, was the exact moment that I reached the end of my rope. In fact, I could see end of my rope waving in the distance. The camel’s back was broken. And that bitch better be ready. Because I was bringing my A game. I was not fucking around.”
I could go on and on and tell you the whole story and that she’s captured teenage angst and unrequited love and dealing with a crush and settling for something easy so well that it will make you weep and then build an alter to her. Or, you can just trust me and experience this amazing fic for yourself. Dew eet.
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