Official Description:
Edward likes girls. Jake likes boys. It’s never been a problem for them as best friends and roommates. What happens when the lines start to blur? Can your love for your best friend become something more? SLASH. M Exhibitionism, lemons, grownup feelings.
Word Count: 40,651
First, I have a confession: I’d never read an Edward/Jake story all the way through, until If Only. There are a lot of reasons why, most of them were stupid, however, I feel like it’s worth admitting it here, because maybe you’re the same way. Maybe you’ve never read Edward/Jake, never thought it could be a pairing you’d get into, but let me tell you right now, sadtomato has gone a genius job with these two.
There are a lot of dirty good reasons to love If Only. We’ll get to those in a few minutes.
The reasons why I love If Only center around the characters. Jake loves Edward, but Edward is straight. This could be one giant mess of male gay cliches, but in case you don’t already know from Between Pleasure and Pain, sadt’s BDSM fic, she has a gift – she takes topics and treats them with proper respect.
One of my absolute favorite exchanges in this fic centers around Jake thinking Edward is treating him like the girl. This leads to a top/bottom exchange that made my heart soar. I fell in love with Jake when he said:
“Every relationship is different, E.”
Indeed, Jake. In-fucking-deed.
Edward’s love for Jake blooms, carefully and slowly, as his own mental discomfort seems to shift and change, then fade. They take baby steps together, and as Edward gets used to the idea of being with a man, well, things really heat up. Delicious, delicious lemony goodness follows, and then, a really surprising (but realistic) thing happens in chapter 8, and although it hurt my heart, it felt like it was appropriate and not over done.
Of course, that leads into chapter 9, and then 10. Listen, a great story wouldn’t be great without some conflict to overcome. If Edward had this idea he was straight, then started fucking Jake and they rode off happily into the sunset, that would have been a completely unearned HEA. I’ve read fic like that; it wasn’t very satisfying.
I really love how sadt digs into the labels talk. I happen to hate labels, so I’m totally nodding along with Edward as I re-read. It’s not about the label, it’s about what’s beneath the label. Strange as it may seem, I was having a conversation with one of my closest friends a few years ago, and I said “you’re totally not straight.” She had this idea for thirty-plus years that she was straight, but we were both drooling over pictures of hot chicks. Sometimes, until someone else puts the mirror in front of you, you’re so used to being YOU that you don’t realize YOU is something different than you thought.
That got deep right there, but my point was, I love how real and lovely and wonderful these characters are. Even in just 10 chapters, you can’t help but fall so thoroughly in love with them, and become invested in every step of their journey together.
The epilogue made me laugh and cry. Leah is feisty as hell, and I love her.
“… the different ways to make a family are kind of dizzying.”
That line killed me, because the truth of it is so profoundly deep.
Honestly, if you’re like me and you loved this story, save yourself some tears and don’t read chapter 13.
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