Official Description:
He steals my coffee first, my virginity second and my heart third. College fluff. AH.
What a pleasant surprise to happen upon Sleep On the Floor by sexycereal, which offers up a hilariously funny fic about Edward and Bella as they “meet cute” then slowly move to a more complicated and multi-layered emotional relationship. The true highlight of this gem is the witty banter between the two:
“Must be feeding time, right?”
“Right!” I agreed.
“You wanna get burgers?”
“Nah, better have a vegetable.”
“What?” He looked scandalized. “I thought the only green things you consumed were Mountain Dew and apple Jolly Ranchers.”
“I’m trying to avoid scurvy. It’s so last season. I want to die of something good like leprosy, or dinosaur-flu.”
“Cause birds are kinda descendants of dinosaurs?” he puzzled.
“No, cause it would be a cool thing to have in your obit.”
“Bella Swan, known to her loved ones as Duckling, succumbed after a lengthy battle to acute dinosaur-flu.”
“Since when are you my ‘loved ones’?”
“Since you got dinosaur-flu and married me to cheat the system and take advantage of my excellent medical insurance. Also, Carlisle’s a kickass surgeon so he hooked you up with good docs.”
“Who the hell is Carlisle?”
“Esme’s husband.”
“Cool. I want cheese-fries. Do they still count as one of my five-a-day?”
His reply was deadpan: “Only in the universe where you get dinosaur-flu and die.”
Sexycereal skillfully develops multi-layered characters which makes this Bella and Edward intriguing. Bella seems to want a relationship with Edward yet constantly keeps him at arm’s length. Unresolved family issues seem to be at the heart of her ambivalence about becoming involved but she reveals little about her personal history. Her fierce independence, hilarious humor, and fragile self-esteem make her an endearing character.
Edward appears to have it all, with good looks, money, and easy-going charm and wants to spend all of his time with Bella. He seems comfortable at first with Bella’s personal questions but reacts angrily when he has had enough of her unpleasant attitude. There is a sense of loneliness and vague dissatisfaction about him and one can never be sure what will set him off. However, he seems to be a genuinely caring, thoughtful, and sensitive man who is easy to fall for – you find yourself hurting for him when Bella gets particularly bitchy.
Sexycereal uses other fave characters creatively, with Esme, Tanya, Rosalie, and Alice as Edward’s older sisters (?!) who have raised him since infancy. At their introduction, Bella finds the sisters unnerving…
Esme, on the other hand, hadn’t said anything about a possible relationship between me and the pretty one, but seemed to have a habit of calling people “lovely” and “sweets” without realizing it. She had this warm, fuzzy aura about her — like you would totally want her when you scraped your knee, or drank too much and ended up with your head in the toilet. She still made me so nervous I thought I would puke though.
“Sweets, Coke is in the fridge — help yourself — or there’s Red Bull, I think. Could you grab some ice, too? Oh, and there’s condoms in all the upstairs bathrooms, under the sink, in case you ever need them. Do you think these potatoes look crispy enough? I don’t want them to burn.”
I froze with my hand half in the refrigerator wrapped around a can of Coke. “Excuse me?”
Esme looked totally non-plussed as I turned to face her. She shook the pan of roast potatoes — and even that looked suggestive to me — and asked again: “Crispy enough?”
Frequent references to past and present pop culture also add to the humor.
“Seriously, Edward, where are we going?”
He propped himself up on his elbows and finally opened his eyes. “Movie?”
“No. Everything’s shit right now. I’m not seeing anything about the apocalypse or in CGI.”
“You don’t like Toy Story?”
“Oh God, dude, you have too many sisters.”
“Whatev, Duckie.”
“No. No. I am not Molly Ringwald’s sexually-repressed friend. No — line drawn.”
“You’re fucking insane,” he said warmly.
I crossed my arms over my chest, trying not to let his expression warm me up. “Movies out, try again.”
“Drive around?”
“Waste of gas. No point unless you’re parentally-oppressed and need an hour unsupervised to cop a feel.”
His brow furrowed. “You don’t like driving just to… drive?”
“No, Duluoz. Beat America this is not. Try again.”
Sexycereal has told a lot of story in the eleven chapters completed. In an A/N, she noted just how much fun she is having writing this. Her delight in this story truly shines through and makes it especially fun to read!
You’ve all probably figured out I’m really not reading much fic anymore. I still have a few stories on alert, but it’s been quite a while since I’ve started anything new.
Except for this fic. I am in love with it and have been since I read the very first chapter. Bella’s character is feisty and mouthy and sometimes downright mean (she reminds me a lot of myself). And Edward, he’s sweet and adorable and doesn’t really take her shit and I just want to hug him and keep him in my pocket.
They meet quite unexpectedly when he (gasp) has the nerve to steal her coffee. I mean, who does that, right? Naturally she was quite pissed off. Even Edward (who can pretty much do no wrong) should respect the sanctity that is a woman’s morning coffee. So, what does a girl have to do for payback?
“You!” I admit my gasping, accusatory tone was a bit dramatic.
Pretty Boy stopped in his tracks and turned. I stared, open-mouthed for one awkwardly long moment before I panicked and pitched the crumpled, pretty much empty, plastic Starbucks cup at his face. It hit him square in the forehead and the last melty remnants of cold coffee splattered all over his—admittedly, very attractive—face.
“What the f—”
His growled expletive was cut off by the sudden, painful burst of laughter that escaped my chest. It was hilarious and I was in hysterics. The look on his face was priceless. I just threw something at this relative stranger’s face… what the hell was wrong with me?
He dragged his palms across his cheeks. He blinked away the diluted coffee clinging to his ridiculously long lashes and then—despite himself—Pretty Boy started laughing too. It was a deep, warm sound that made me want to close my eyes and have him read me a bedtime story before I slept away the rest of the say.
He closed the distance between us. My throw had been kinda impressive.
“That really hurt.”
“Cheaters never prosper.”
“When did I cheat?”
“You cheated the rules of queuing at Starbucks. And you stole!”
This moment pretty much marks the beginning of an adorable friendship between the lion (Bella) and the poor little lamb (Edward). These two are incredibly cute together and I can’t wait to see what sexycereal has planned for their future. If you’re every looking for something that will make you smile, laugh and just get flutters in your tummy – you should be reading this story!
I love this fic. That is all.
[dcs_p]
[/dcs_p]
Recent Comments