Official Description: Entry for TLFN Contest. Bella stopped fantasizing and acted on her crush. However, it was a bit of a catastrophe. Was she victim of a cruel joke? Is this a poor summary? Find out. M for language, grapefruits, facepalms, and stupid texts. E/B, AU/AH
Word Count: 6,659
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Adorable tale with a few unexpected turns. Shalu takes a night of would-be awesome and spins it on its head. You’ll laugh and cringe as Bella and Edward recount their awkward encounter in what should have been a night of passion. The tongue-in-cheek realism is refreshing as this could really happen to anyone. It breaks away from the cliched depictions of perfect and flawless HEAs.
I loved this O/S because it’s something that a lot of us (hopefully not just me) can identify with – obsessing over someone and making a drunken decision that comes back to bite you in the ass. This fic had me both laughing hysterically and cringing in mortification at the same time.
After reading several seriously angsty fics lately, this little gem was just what I needed to lighten things up. Bella hooks up with Edward in a flurry of hormones and then has to endure the embarrassing ramifications. But was it all for nothing? Is the lonely walk of shame unavoidable in such a situation?
Read it and see. It’s the perfect little dose of happiness if you’re looking for a reprieve from all the angst like I was!
This one-shot is fucking funny. That’s really all you need to know. Oh, and it’s written by Shalu, who wrote one of the best wall-fucks ever. Still need more?
Happy Fucking Birthday, Edward was written for the Texts from Last Night Contest in answer to the following prompt:
He came on my chest. Sat back and said “hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!” kill me now…
The story starts off with Bella texting Alice, asking to be picked up from Edward’s apartment. He’s the guy she’s been crushing on, (perhaps obsessing and stalkerishly watching from behind speakers or plants…, for six months, when they finally get it it on in an-almost drunken stupor. Bella explains, through texts:
Bellarina: Well, it WAS good for a while cuz he kisses me back LIKE WOW and there’s tongue and it’s delicious and awsum…girlybits all atwitter. So we end up going to his place. He tells me he’s wanted this since he met me, blah blah… I say me, too… Sweet. SO, uh…
Alice du Wunderkind: O. MAH. GAH. Don’t make me kill u. MORE.
Bellarina: So we get naked, finally, and HELLO PEEN! Anyway, I start things off with my hands, ya know? That’s fine and all until he cums less than 20 seconds later!
Alice du Wunderkind: U didn’t even get 2 teh sexn?
Bellarina: That’s what I’m saying.
Alice du Wunderkind: So then what happnd?
Bellarina: He came on my chest. Sat back and said “hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!” KILL ME NOW…
Alice du Wunderkind: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bellarina: U r such a bitch.
Alice du Wunderkind: O come on, that’s funny…HAY, “CUM ON BELLA!” ahahahahahahaha
Bellarina: I so fuckn hate u right now.
Turns out, Edward doesn’t remember what happened and he had been working up the courage to talk to her, too. After quite a bit of humiliation, they decide to start over. I love that this Bella has such a real reaction and the inner monologue of both of them is absolutely total win. If you’re looking for a laugh, check out this fun, quick one-shot.
This fic was soooo fucking funny! I loved it.