The Naked Guy Upstairs by AngryBadgerGirl

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5383757/1/The_Naked_Guy_Upstairs

Official Description: It’s You’ve Got Mail meets Pillow Talk meets…eh, you get the picture. It’s the usual ABG yuks and lemons. Manwhoreward v. Straightlacedella. Love/Hate/Love/Banter/Sex. RATED M COS WHY ELSE DO YOU READ FIC, HONESTLY? AH, CANON PAIRINGS

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MrsAC says: I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this story, or how loud I squeed when I was asked to do a guest rec for it. It’s without a doubt one of those stories that never fails to put a smile on my face. I can’t get enough.

Rightfully so, TNGUS is nominated for a Bellie in the category, Fic You’d Click on for the Title Alone. While the title is enough to tantalize you into reading the story, Bella and Edward’s first encounter will have you forever checking your in-box for alerts.

After realizing the Internet connection in her new apartment isn’t working, Bella heads up to her neighbors to see if he can help.

“Hello, can I help you with something?” says the smooth, masculine voice behind me.

And then when I look at him, I almost jump out of my skin again. Because all I can see is skin.

There was a very good looking, very naked man standing in front of me.

Shit, I looked right at his package.

“Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod,” I chant, turning my head away and pressing my hand against the side of my face to shield my eyes.

“Um, whoa. You’re, uh, extremely…naked?” I stammer stupidly as my words form a question for some reason. My hand covers my eyes as I turn my head away. I feel myself blush furiously.

“Yeah, just got out of the shower. What can I do for you, brown eyes?” he asks.

What the? Is he flirting with me, while buck naked?

“Uh, yeah, sorry to intrude, Mr., um…Mr. Naked Guy, but I live downstairs and…you know? Never mind,” I say, wanting to leave but stumbling because my eyes are closed and my hand is still over them.

I walk into the wall with a loud thud.

These two are unbelievably adorable, and their constant back and forth teasing is pure fucking win. AngryBadgerGirl writes dialogue like no one else, creating the perfect package of edgy banter and swoon worthy romanticisms all rolled into one. Even something as simple as a kiss is elevated to so much more:

“There are other things we could do besides tell jokes,” he tells me in a soft voice.

“Other things? What kind of other things?” I ask, genuinely curious at first. But then the true meaning of his words sinks in and I debate whether or not we should head down this road of flirtation.

His face moves slowly closer to mine. I stare at his lips, so pouty and soft looking.

“Things that are perhaps more entertaining,” he suggests.

“Knitting?” I quip nervously.

“No.”

“Twenty Questions?”

“No.”

“Crossword puzzle?”

“No.”

“Mah Jong?”

“No, brown eyes,” he insists, his mouth now so close to mine, I can almost taste his breath.

And just like that, we kiss.

Shortly after these two lovable characters meet, our former manwhore, TNGUS, is in need of a date for work events. With very little convincing needed, Bella agrees to be his designated escort. After the first function, she decides that their arrangement could use some refining and asks Edward for a favor in return.

“You owe me a favor,” I murmur.

“Yeah?” he says, prompting me to continue.

“I want ‘that’ to be my favor,” I say simply.

“I’m not doing something you can’t even say, brown eyes,” he says stubbornly.

“Fine. I’ll say it then,” I tell him before I literally chug half a glass of Shiraz.

“Go ahead. Say it. Out loud,” he dares.

I swallow thickly and can feel my pride go down, down, down like a jagged little pill. No spoonful of sugar in sight.

“Alright,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Edward, have sex with me. In fact, teach me how to, you know, be good at it. That’s the favor I want from you.”

As their relationship develops, things progress in ways neither of them ever imagined. Their arrangement was supposed to be a way for them both to fill a simple need, but the thin lines anchoring their connection to each other begin to blur and their dependency on each other evolves.

Everything they do together is entirely new to both of them, just in different ways. Edward has never cared about someone, never needed someone, or had someone who needed him. Bella needs someone to teach her about sex, but more importantly she needs someone to help her heal, and someone to love.

Pulling me back up, he lays me on my back, wraps his fingers skillfully around my thong and slides them off me in one motion.

“Oh, Mona…you’ve had some work done,” he says with a smirk when he sees that I’ve waxed everywhere. He kisses my pubic bone lightly. I scrunch my face at him before laughing.

He still has my panties in his hand and holds them up, inspecting the golden ivory silk fabric.

“You need to order one of these in every color,” he tells me. “Just looking at them is getting me worked up already,” he confesses with a laugh, rubbing the material with his fingers.

“Really?” I ask, taking the panties from him and peeking at his lap. Sure enough, he’s already looking…happy. I make an accidental discovery when I reach over with my hand and my panties brush against him. He nearly jumps from the feeling of the silk on his skin.

Hmm, curious.

Holding my panties between my fingers, I stroke the ruffly material against him, back and forth and watch as he hisses and clenches his teeth.

“I just wanna try one thing,” I whisper. “Be very still…don’t move,” I urge with a smile.

I tease him, using the fabric almost like a feather. When he starts muttering a string of swear words, I know this most be really, really erotic for him. I wrap the panties around him and put my hand over them.

“Does this feel good?” I ask, half looking for confirmation, half trying to see if talking about it makes it more fun. Edward can’t even answer with words, which pretty much confirms it for me. He’s almost as aroused as he was just a few minutes ago, and the sight of that puts me in the same exact state.

“I want you, Edward,” I murmur. “Want you inside me…please.”

“Lesson Five, brown eyes, is the vaginal orgasm. This particular position is perfect for it,” he says with a smirk. “Come here, baby,” he whispers, gently easing back onto his lap so that I’m straddling him again. “Slowly ease yourself onto me. If it hurts, stop, OK?” he asks.

I nod and look down, both our hands working to guide him so I can bear down on him.

It’s different from the first time—just a little pain in the first few seconds, but then it’s only him and me, fitting together, completing each other. We both sigh when he’s completely inside me, and I instinctively arch my back to accommodate him…feel him everywhere. His hands tangle in my hair when I start moving my hips up and down, bending my back into more of a curve and bringing my breasts close to his mouth. He sucks and bites while I writhe on top of him.

Edward’s large hands grab my ass and pivot me so that he rubs against the same sp
ot he’s only found with his finger before now. When he grinds into it with so much more force than a fingertip, my reaction is almost instant. My entire body gets that pins-and-needles sensation before all my muscles start convulsing with the most intense, euphoric sparks I have ever felt in my life.

*thud* If that doesn’t make you want to read this story, then I don’t know what will. This isn’t a fic you want to miss. Between the fuckhot hilarity in every chapter, the twitter convos, the texts, TNGUS, sassy Bella, the– *looks around* Do I really need to go on? Because, I could talk for days about everything that I love about this story.

Instead, I will simply say that I love it and you should read it. Now! No seriously…right now!