Official Description:
It’s important for any private investigator to maintain a good relationship with local law enforcement and it’s representatives. Therefore, I am always cooperative and polite with Chief Swan. Also, I try not to drink his daughter Bella’s blood.
This is a story of PI and his Femme Fatale. Ok maybe it’s not quite like that. But this story is definitely one hell of a good time. A laugh until your belly hurts, smile until your cheeks get sore good time. Edward is a PI and Bella is the woman that causes him trouble since, according to Edward, every great PI has one. She’s his woman trouble. Well only in the beginning really. Perhaps you’re wondering why Edward would choose to become a PI. Well let’s allow him to explain.
“So when I decided that I wanted to do something to involve myself with humanity in a more interesting way than going to high school for the 20th time I chose to start a detective agency. Despite the fact that I’m a vampire, I’m kind of a natural for this sort of thing because a) I can read minds b) I have vampire skills like a heightened sense of smell, vision, etc. and c) I don’t sleep. In fact, at The Red Eye Detective Agency, that’s our motto; “We don’t sleep”. People just take it to mean that we work on their cases tirelessly. But really, it’s…well, you get it.”
I love Edward’s inner voice in this story. Actually his outer voice too. Ok really everything about him. He’s just completely lovable. And he has a supportive family too. Well as supportive as Emmett can be anyway. Take the first day he meets Bella. Things don’t go so well but thankfully Emmett and Jasper make it just in time and even have some encouraging words to share with Edward.
[dcs_p]“If it wasn’t Chief Swan’s daughter maybe we could find to another teenage girl to munch on.” Emmett is grinning at me over his shoulder as he gets closer to our house. “Whatsherface Mallory’s mom really likes you. Maybe you could do a sex for teenage daughter trade.”[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Dude, you’ve been watching too much ‘Secret Lives of American Housewives’ or something.” Jasper gives Emmett a punch in the shoulder.[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Bro, have you seen ‘Desperate Housewives’? Those women are sex-fiends!” Emmett is exclaiming loudly at Jasper, hardly paying attention to the road at all.[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“I’ve never had sex with a human. Have you? Seems like it’d be like stapling jello.”[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Nah, man. Too fragile and squishy. Like trying to sand a balloon.”[/dcs_p]
Ok so maybe encouraging was the wrong word. This Emmett is hilarious. He tortures poor Edward by stealing all his office supplies when he’s not busy running the bar he owns called “Liquid Diet”. Oh and in his down time he writes limericks. He’s really quite talented despite the fact that according to Edward he can barely read. I love the family dynamic of these Cullens. You get the feeling so many interesting things have happened between them over the years. I for one wouldn’t want to play Monopoly with them.
“They’re not playing Monopoly again, are they?” Esme asks. She had to throw the Monopoly set out about 15 years ago when an all-night game turned ugly. Emmett is a competitive bitch, that’s all I’m gonna say. And I didn’t actually intend to pull his arm off; he just wouldn’t let me put any more hotels on Park Place.
But when they are not playing Monopoly together this family really does try to help poor Edward out and not just when he wants to drink Bella dry.
[dcs_p]“Anyhow, Alice says that she’ll take care of Bella’s response to the changes to our office and I should just focus on “acting like I’ve actually talked to a girl before in my 100 plus years on earth.” Apparently I come off a little awkward.[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]Emmett keeps telling me I need to act “smoother.” Emmett’s idea of looking smoother pretty much involves saying “babe” a lot and leaning on stuff nonchalantly”.[/dcs_p]
This Emmett is just full of thoughtful advice. It’s so much fun seeing Edward fall so hard for Bella. Especially since it’s the first time it has ever happened for him. He actually has a theory regarding this very thing. And I love his theory. It’s so easy to love the characters Juju has created. And she has written one of the best Quils I have ever read. His relationship with the Cullens is both surprising and falling off your chair hilarious.
So Bella really does have a bit of trouble although it’s actually more like a secret. A really big secret in fact. But what is so fantastic about said secret is that it shows this caring, incredibly sweet side to Edward who is already completely adorable and funny. And its fun how the secret plays into the lives of all the Cullens. This story isn’t a mystery. It’s not about solving the case. In the words of the fantastic badjujube this story is “goofy”. And might I add hilarious. I want to quote the funniest parts of this story but really it would be copying and pasting the whole thing. This story is definitely worth a read. Every chapter will make you laugh and smile and fall in love with this PI. It’s wonderfully written and just so much fun! And don’t forget to read the a/n’s in this story because Juju is one funny lady.
I love this story. It’s fun and I love this Edward–he’s totally adorable. I love his inner monologue, like here:
[dcs_p]“Bella, are you alright?” Teen-wolf gave me a glare as he hovered over her. I gave him my best “I’m a hundred years older than you” arrogant look. The other smelly one began hooking Bella’s truck up to the tow truck.[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Yeah, Jacob. Have you met Edward Cullen?” She gestures politely to me, ignoring or oblivious to our supernatural glare-fest. “Edward let me use his phone.”[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“We’ve never met, no.” I don’t want to shake his paw so I give him nod from my comfortable distance. “A pleasure, Jacob.” I chose not to mention his resemblance to his grandfather. Who I met in the 1930′s. I amuse myself by imagining Jacob dancing the Charleston to “Yes, We Have No Bananas.”[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“How do you know Edward?” The other hairball has walked over at this point.[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Sam, this is Edward Cullen. Have you met?” Sam looks at me with suspicion and shakes his head. “No, but his reputation precedes him. How do you know each other?”[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Alice is a friend of mine. When my truck wouldn’t start and my cell phone was dead, Edward was kind enough to help me.” Bella is starting to pick up on the animosity between the animals and I. She is watching them carefully. They are too busy trying to intimidate me by flexing their muscles and sneering at me. Typical wolves. I hate them.[/dcs_p]
I don’t know how to describe this story to you, because it goes beyond being funny. It has a great storyline and deals with emotional issues, but when you get down to it, it’s hilarious, and that’s why I think you should read it.
[dcs_p]“Edward? Irina and Tanya and Kate? They’re not really your cousins, right?” She’s twisted herself around so she’s looking at me.[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“No. They’re not sisters, either. It’s just that we prefer to think of ourselves as a family rather than a ‘coven.’ That’s what groups of vampires usually call themselves, but they tend to be wilder, more aggressive. I think it has to do with us not preying on humans. It makes us more peaceful, able to have caring relationships.” You know, if we can get anyone to go out with us. But I’m not bitter.[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Oh,” she says, but I can tell she isn’t done. “So if you wanted to have a relationship with one of them, you could.”[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]I nod. She frowns at me.[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Then why don’t you? I mean, they’re beautiful and they share your, you know, values and they seem really nice. You could be, what do you call it? Mates?”[/dcs_p]
[dcs_p]“Well, you don’t chose a mate, Bella. Someone is your mate or they’re not. It’s like the concept of soul mates. You don’t control it.” I take a deep breath. Bella pushing me on the sisters is just making me miserable. It’s like your wife signing you up on an online dating site. Uncomfortable.[/dcs_p]
If you need a pick me up or just want to read something awesome, check out The Red Eye.
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