Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003

Official Description:

Edward and Bella have dark pasts that leave them severely emotionally scarred, with nightmares that force them to stay awake. They meet and begin to form a bond during the night hours.

Word Count: 390,564

Don’t miss the Wide Awake Outtakes and The Light and the Dark, the Companion piece to Wide Awake.

If ever asked for a single fic out of our fandom to call a classic, the first fic I’d likely name would be Wide Awake.

In fact, for me at least, Wide Awake is the classic fic.

A few years ago (actually 3 years ago this very month), The Fictionators rec’d this fic. So I’m not going to go into detailing a summary for you, nor am I going to quote passages or really even comment too much on AG’s writing (which is… powerful, if you’ve never read her stuff). You can get all that from the original rec.

Instead, let me tell you a familiar story. Way back in 2009, I went on a cruise with a friend. She and I ate and drank and ogled the shirtless pretties. At some point, sunburned and maybe a little hungover, we wound up watching a movie on the inter-ship movie network. I bet you can guess which one… Anyway. So we watched The Movie and I saw The Pretty for the first time (I hadn’t seen Goblet of Fire, so sue me). At the time, I found the movie to be… rather campy and to be honest, it didn’t make a lick of sense to me. My friend laughed and said, “Kate. I know, I know. But the book. Oh My Edward. You gotta read the book.”

I scoffed.

But then… on the way back home, my flight was delayed, and I found myself stuck for a few extra hours in Miami’s airport with nothing to do. I piddled around the airport for a while and at some point absently wandered into what was then a Borders. Well, this black and red cover caught my eye, and against my better judgment, I purchased the damned thing.

And before my flight finally took off, after having read the first few chapters, I may or may not have kind of, sort of ran back to Borders to pick up New Moon, because I may or may not have known that I’d be finished with the Twilight before my plane landed. The very next day I sped to my local store and bought Eclipse and BD. Voila! Full-blown obsession like I’d never experienced… that then rapidly turned into an awful kind of pseudo-mourning because I had no books left to read. So in an attempt to keep that high, I read, and re-read, and re-read again, admittedly much like a crazy lady, until in some desperate kind of search, I somehow landed on fanfiction.net.

You know the rest. I read some fics. I dove into what was then a much smaller dumpster. I liked some of the fics I found. I even loved a few.

But one night, and don’t ask me how – likely through following someone’s favorites list – I found AngstGoddess003 and Wide Awake, and everything changed. Because I learned that there was some fic out there that wasn’t just good, but extraordinarily good.

Hence, I had a new obsession.

Back then, WA was a WIP, but I pretty much consumed it. All in one night, every available chapter, I read like I would die if I didn’t know what happened next. And then I read it again.

Being a primarily action/thriller and fantasy reader before Twilight, WA was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, reading-wise. At the time, I didn’t know what angst was. But this… this fic… it was raw and harsh and dark, and yet there was this underlying hope and truth to it. It reached inside my chest and squeezed my heart until I could barely breathe. The characters were so broken and messed up, and they were so much more than just people on a page. I felt them. I got them. I cried with them. I balled my fists when they balled their fists. I said ‘fuck’ a lot. I mean, a lot.

And it wasn’t just me. A lot of people felt (and feel) the same way. And in a lot of ways, it was a game changer fic. It was a big, long, massively read example of how you could use SM’s vamp characters and successfully translate their traits into AH.

Okay, and maybe a little tangentially, before I go, I have to mention… the gym scene. All of you who’ve read WA know exactly what I’m talking about. This was like the chapter heard around the world. Oh, wow. Even today, after the hundreds of fics I’ve read, that single scene sticks out in my head. It’s a scene I’ll never forget. And dude, don’t even ask for a quote. No way am I going to spoil any bit of it. You just need to read it. Read the whole fic (by the way, it re-reads very well).

Anywho. I know that my story isn’t that different from many of yours. Hell, for a lot of you, WA was your first fic. Or maybe you’re more like me and this was the first one that really grabbed you by the collar and wouldn’t let go. For so many in our fandom, this was our gateway fic.

I think it’s safe to say that you can ask almost any fic reader who has been around for a while and they’ll know this fic. And I don’t think that any one of them, whether they liked WA, loved it (like me), or even hated it, can deny this fic’s significance to our fandom.

If you’ve never read… just do it. If you have and you loved it, then… re-read it.

And while you’re at it, make yourself a batch of Bloody Newtons or Black Leather Ladyfingers.

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So Wide Awake? First things first, you need to listen to this song. I remember, back in the day, pming AG and posting this song to AG’s Twilighted thread for Wide Awake, saying how I thought it so pertinent for her two characters and her story as a whole….

So listen to the song. Listen to the lyrics, and then go read Wide Awake. Once you have read it come back and you WILL see what I mean….

So listen:

Then go read Wide Awake.

For someone like me that got into Wide Awake after chapter 3 or something early like that, its hard to comprehend someone not knowing it intimately, hard to perceive that their are folks out there who have not read it. But perhaps the hype scared you off?

Perhaps the fic is not one you have encountered before? Perhaps it sounds too angsty for you? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

So I am going to tell you why, in my humble opinion, you should read this fic. Tell you why you need to understand the role this fic has in making the fandom as full of diverse and enriching stories as it is.

So read on folks.

Wide Awake was quite groundbreaking in its day. It was, in my mind the first big SuperFic. The fic that spawned fansites, fan vids and really captured the imagination of the fandom into becoming as obsessed with the fanfic Edwards as the Twibook Edward… Was the euphemism ‘Unicorn’ ever used in such a way?

Wide Awake spawned, much in the way of fandom tributes and hurrah. For example did you know it has its own entry in Urban Dictionary?:

But the point behind the big fuss, is that it is an angsty and heartfelt story that captured the imagination of so many as we became so invested in the characters and their struggles. And boy did they struggle.

Both Bella and Edward in this story are damaged. When we first meet them, they are both isolated, both alone and both barely keeping their heads above water. School is not a good place for either of them, but then neither is home. Bella due to a traumatic situation, cannot interact with others (besides basic interactions with her family – her Aunt Esme and her cousin Alice), cannot sleep and has major fears relating to her bedroom. Edward meanwhile is text book definition of damaged goods. He had a major trauma in his youth, and has scars that run far deeper than any on his body. Foul mouthed, angry and classed as a trouble-maker. Although fostered by the well-intentioned and kind-hearted (although I want to kick his arse repeatedly) Carlisle and living with foster brother Emmett. The only one he talks to even slightly is his school friend Jasper. A friend he keeps himself distanced from. Edward, too cannot sleep. . . . . .

So both our protagonists have night trauma’s and cannot sleep. Both too have special skills that they use when sleep evades them, Bella’s was to bake and cook, and Edward’s was to sketch. One of the great things about this story, is how Bella’s cookie recipes and baking attempts are the chapter titles, and have some sort of significance or reflection of the story progression.

Such as:
Fudge you All
Bye Bye Brandy Snaps
Brown Sugar Burdens
Biscotti Buy Me Offs

Isn’t that amazing? I often wished and said in reviews that AG should have gotten this story published and had a companion cookbook with all the recipes in…

So why are these two crazy kids so special? Well they are so special as they come together at night – through a random meet up. They find that somehow the other gives them piece of mind, gives them quiet, safety and security. Gradually over time and through sharing cooking, stories and thoughts they also give one another love.

What is so special about this story. is how gradual their journey is, and how well paced it is. Bella and Edward don’t meet, fall in love, share all their secrets and then et voila everything is tickety-boo! Oh no. Instead every little step and progression is gradual and is then followed by the way things happen in real life – set-backs, misunderstandings, problems and interference of others (namely their ‘families’) complicate and confuse the simplicity and surety of their bond….

We see Bella and Edwards safe haven (& dependence on one-another) ripped away from them. It feels like a betrayal for us, let alone for them. Things get very bad for them both. But we know that hiding issues and co-dependence, are not the building blocks of a healthy relationship, so we will this troubled twosome on….

Yet there is still no straightforward happy ever after for these lovebirds. That is the beauty of this fic, its a messy, complicated end, that is perfect for them. Perfect for their struggles.

Now, my usual home is The Perv Pack’s Smut Shack, so I normally am all about the stories featuring good smut! But the sex, and the occurrence of unicorns is not all this story is about. It IS an important theme, as it teaches Edward and shows us his progression as he is so tender and patient with Bella that it is beautiful. As Bella cannot be touched, or seen by others, things are difficult for them, she feels defective and a burden for beautiful and fierce Edward. Edward see Bella as a lost beautiful. Somehow Edward breaks through her intimacy barriers, but it takes a long time, for them to get to a point where they can do what they want. A LONG TIME. But its so beautiful to see how much their intimacy means to them both, and highlights the important things in a relationship. Trust, Respect, Love and Tenderness. Reading their progression is such a wonderful thing.

This story, still has the same impact today, no matter how many Big Name Authors and fandom crazy stories that are out there. Its a work of art, yes it has typo’s etc etc – its not a published novel that has had fancy editors and copy-editors and proof readers etc. But it was obviously a work of devotion for Sam, she put blood, sweat and tears into this tale. Into Potty-Mouthed, gentle and angry Edward who had an issue and a point to prove with the whole world besides Bella, Bella the broken and hidden, who is only truly seen by Edward. Bella who can unlock Edward and give him the nourishment he needs, not just through her cooking, but through her security and gentle warmth – and her faith in him….

It means something to us as a reader. Bella and Edward don’t fix each other, but they provide the safe space to one-another to address their issues. Yes they love one another and therefore depend on one-another more than they should to be healthy. But that is life. True love affairs always have troughs as well as peaks. Darkness to counter their light. That is true to life. I am not going to spoil their ending for you. I will instead urge to read every cookie (or biscuits as we call them here in Blighty) themed chapter and immerse yourself in the wonderful, fucked-up, messy and intense, loved-filled world of Edward and Bella. You might find some unicorns. You will probably cry. But its oh-so worth it!

Here’s what we had to say before:

I’m not sure how I found this and to quote Edward… I love the shit out of it… Cried more reading this than I think I’ve ever cried while reading, but it was so worth it. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the most widely known fics there is. The alternating POV’s and the backstory between these two… the cookies… unicorns. It’s just too good for you to pass up.

 

Ah, Wide Awake. What can I say about this fuckawesome fic? This was the 3rd ffic I ever read, the first was a one-shot, the second was hilarious, and then…this epic wonder. It has it all: angst, drama, humor, massively awesome character development, wickedly hot lemony goodness, liberal use of my favorite word (“fuck”) and cookies. Yes, that’s right: delicious, fresh-baked cookies. No words that I can type here will do this story justice. You. need. to. read. it. Bring the tissue and a bottle of your favorite whatever because you’ll need it, but it is oh sooooo worth it.

This was the first story I read in fanfiction, the one that started my obsession. No recommendation list is complete without Wide Awake. AG003 weaves such a unique plot and creates such magnificent characters in this story it is nearly impossible to put down. The level of research to stay accurate and her dedication to the believability of the characters shines through every chapter she writes. There are many reasons why Wide Awake is one of the most popular stories in the fandom, but the reason it owns a piece of my heart is because it reinforces the belief that there is someone out there for everyone – even the most damanged among us. You can’t stop reading because you need to cling to the hope that there is happiness to be had for them and if they can find it, then maybe, just maybe so can we all.