http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4981899/1/The_Cullen_Family_Players_Present

Official Description: The citizens of Forks appear in Sweded adaptations of your favorite cheesiest films, musicals, and sitcoms. Highly silly. M for language. No, really, this is really quite silly. You have been warned. So far: Vampire Speed, The Twitrix. More to come.

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Lucette21 says: I haven’t ventured much into the cracked side of fic – I think I’ve always worried I’ll fall into some Alice in Wonderland style rabbit hole and never find my way out again. I first heard of this fic when it was nominated for an Indie Award, which was then followed a landslide of recs so I decided to venture into the unknown. What I found was a smart and funny tale which mercilessly spoofs both Twilight and your favorite Hollywood blockbusters (I don’t know if starring Keanu Reeves is a prerequisite but it’s 2 for 2 already). First up is Speed and I was breathless with laughter just a few lines in – Edward of course takes the part of Keanu, who knows his body is perfect so deliberately ordered his SWAT uniform one size too small. He is the same obnoxious blowhard from the movie but with a delightful Cullen twist. Our first view of Bella (Sandra Bullock, natch) is the most over-the-top mockery of a pratfall ever conceived as she runs for the bus, almost strangling herself, tripping, falling, taking out the neighbours patio furniture … you get my drift. From here it only gets better – you might think that following a known story would make things predictable or boring but exactly the opposite is true – I found myself thinking ahead and wondering how the author was going to work different parts of the plot in. I am unfortunately not up to date with TCFPP, I knew I was out of time so I chose to take my break after Vampire Speed, but what awaits me? The Twitrix. Looks like I will be following the White Rabbit after all.

MF’er says: The idea behind this, taking popular movies and spinning them to include our favorite characters in the most ridiculous of ways… is just, well, kinda brillz. First we see what would happen if our favorite vampire was part of the SWAT team. Of course he’d wear his SWAT uniform one size too small so he can dazzle you and make you hear ‘inexplicable windchimes’, he’d also undoubtedly wear a fuckhot WWtDLD? (What Would The Dalai Lama Do?) bracelet and according to his partner, Jasper he would sparkle in the sunlight because ‘he’s a bit of a fruit who likes body glitter more than a twelve-year-old girl’. Will they be able to save the day from the creepy ponytail guy who’s decided that going shirtless and wearing dynamite (when it isn’t even casual Friday!!) is a good option? The hilarity continues and you’ll find yourself giggling from pretty much start to finish.

Kassiah says: This story is silly just like the Official Description says. It is actually a series in which our favorite characters are plunked down into popular movies. So far, VampSpeed (Speed) is done, complete with sparkly vampire semen, and The Twitrix (The Matrix) is in full swing with Wardo and Bellity. I love when Bella describes Edwards voice: “His voice is velvety, like a velvety sheet of velvet velvetness from Velvetham, a small hamlet on the edges of the great kingdom of Velvetdonia.” and I couldn’t stop loling when Edward asked, “Do I look like Ghandi?” and “Do I get Mardi Gras beads?” Check this story out when you are looking for your next crackfic fix.

mozzer0906 says: This fic takes the Cullens and puts then into popular movies. The first is Speed – which glosses over all of the unnecessary boring elements and things like names of peripheral characters (they are the Gaysian, Mexican stereotype, SaggyTits, etc). She also adds some interesting nuances to the Speed – such as Edward and his unique penchant for squirrel taxidermy. Even though you know the plot, it is her little touches that make you laugh when you read them. When it comes to the Matrix – the names are what had me laughing as much as anything, such as Carlpheus, Wardo, Bellity and Agents Aro, Caius and Marcus. Wardo’s anal sphincter is also the oracle and he has named it Reneesme. Seriously, this is what makes crackfic fun to read – nowhere in FF would you find Reneesme characterized as an oracle anal sphincter.