Official Description: “Did you just get vagina slapped by a stripper Edward?” What happens when a man-eating handmodel named Bella and Edward, an asshole who’s bored w/vagina meet in Las Vegas? Continuation based on entry for the Twi-Hards First o/s Contest – AH/OOC Lemons

You gotta love a story that begins with slang words for vagina. You know it’s probably not going to be a angst-filled tear-jerker. No, there are no sonnets and chaste kisses…so, no one will mistake Aha Shake for drama. In fact, I would say it’s a laugh-your-ass-off crack-fic comedy. And when you throw in Bella’s obsession with iCarly fanfiction (“Master of the Uterus” where Freddie is a vagina doctor is a fav), you have insanity. My bestie, Cosmogirl7481, told me I had to read this fic – and after swallowing the barf from reading about Bella screwing Jake on a chair – I did laugh my ass off.

Bella leaves Forks and Jacob (thank god) for Vegas. She’s a waitress that does hand jobs on the side for extra money – like to pay for her pink car that has spinners (yes, spinners). Edward is a man-whore that’s bored of “pounding hole” and getting “vagina slapped.” B and E meet in a cabana at a Las Vegas hotel and hook up in the employee restroom. A night of drunken debauchery ensues, and they wake up the next morning…well, you can guess…

“The night rushes through my head; driving, fighting, eating, drinking… marrying, sexing… broken finger…”

You want to pay particular attention to how Bella injures her finger.

Edward and Bella have a love/hate relationship as they get to know each other – he thinks she’s a man eater because of the hand jobs (she’s a hand model, not a whore, Edward!) and she thinks he’s an arrogant pretty boy. So, yeah, they insult one another and then screw. And someone usually gets hurt. Like burned asses on the stove or broken nose from giving oral type of hurt. But they have an undeniable chemistry (what E and B doesn’t?) that brings them together.

“That can work; I can see it flash before my eyes. Edward transferring to UNLV… we move in together, have lots of sex. Graduate, he can become a zoologist I can become a feed the homeless crusader because my masters in Astrology is inadequate. We can have lots of babies, babies that I will drag all over the earth because I will become some sort of ambassador like Angelina Jolie. Edward, he can have a show like The Crocodile Hunter, except Edward cannot fuck with sea life. That shit with the sting ray was some freaky shit and I will not be alone with our three birth children and nine adopted ones. Fuck that.”

This Edward and Bella are not your normal cliched fic couple. He drives a Ford truck and she has tanned skin and two dads – Charlie and Phil, who watch reality television. The sex is strange and fuckhot at the same time. Edward tries to blow out her ovary with his cum shot and tries sex surrounded by ferret hair: “Making sure there isn’t any rat hair that can get stuck to my peen, I spread Bella’s legs.” That might be my favorite line, ever. The other characters don’t follow the norm, either. Jasper is doing Rosalie (gross) which is so wrong it’s right. Carlisle is Edward’s brother who introduced him to the world of pussy. And don’t get me started on chubby-chaser Emmett who’s on the prowl for FUPA. Don’t ask. You have to read.

Just don’t expect to watch iCarly without feeling perverted again.

You might have seen me tweeting the shit out of this story a few weeks ago, seriously sometimes it’s not about finding a story with beautiful grammar or perfect writing (this is fic!!!)… sometimes it’s about finding a story that is fucking hilarious. For me? That’s what Aha Shake is. It’s hard for me to find stories that do humor right (on purpose) and keep me laughing chapter after chapter.

This one totally does it for me.

These two are just a mess, and they can’t seem to have sex without one of them ending up injured. But every injury adds to the funny. And you’ll find yourself waiting for what’s going to happen next.

Teambella23’s writing style was a little difficult for me to get used to at first, but the hilarity and utter ridiculousness of these two characters helped me push through and appreciate the laughs.

And come on, who can stop reading after an opening like this?

Vagina.

Snatch.

Honey Pot.

Hoo Ha.

Goodies.

All of these mean the same thing….

Pussy.

No matter what you call it they all look about the same; two folds, a clit… a hole. Sure there are varieties in shape, size… color but at the end of the day pussy is pussy… I’ve seen so much pussy in my twenty-two years that it’s not even a thing anymore.

Nothing surprises me.

The first time I saw twat; I was ten years old. My brother Carlisle, who is three years older than I am, had his girlfriend over to the house when he was supposed to be babysitting me while our parents were gone for the day. Jasper, my best friend, and I had been riding bikes all day, I came back to the house to get some water and there it was…

My first ever pussy sighting.

This story pokes fun at fics, iCarly… the sudden trend of ass-play that’s occurred in the fandom, and as long as you’re not sitting on a stick, it should make you giggle like there’s no tomorrow.

Go check it out!

This is seriously one of the funniest stories ever. I don’t have much I can add to their excellent reviews, except that I totally agree with Marvar about iCarly. Can’t watch it anymore without blushing.

I’ll just leave you with this, one of my very favorite parts:

“Yours… God, I’m yours.”
His thrusting is moving double time. That smack between my legs is liberating.
“Say it, tell me Bella.”
Fuck it, I’ll only be his wife for a couple of more hours. Might as well play the part.
Tightening my legs around his, sitting up so that my boobies are right in his face… I whisper. “I’m your wife.”
That sounds so nice.
“Again.” growling; damn growling.
Louder “I’m your wife.”
I feel like he’s laughing at me, maybe. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” lips over mine. He isn’t laughing.
Click, click, click, click, click, click.
Our lips don’t part, our eyes snap open…. Edward and I both know what that quick clicking sound is. There isn’t enough time to move before the stove lights up….
“Mother fucker!”

Read it–you won’t be sorry!