http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5380400/1/How_My_Life_was_Ruined_in_14_Days

Official Description: Bella has a plan. It’s a detailed plan for her whole life. But in her quest for perfection, she has skipped certain high school experiences. With graduation fast approaching, Bella concocts a new plan – a plan to lose her virginity. BxE

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Pastiche Pen says: If you’ve ever had to listen through one of the (non-funny) lectures on writing humor, the one point the lecturers seem to consistently make is that no matter what is occuring–no matter how ridiculous the situation–what is absolutely essential is that the characters involved in the story take the matter 100% seriously.


Now, the Bella in 14 Days is a serious Bella.


This is a young lady with a plan, a Blackberry for a domestic pet, and an adorable amount of cluelessness about life. While she seems to get everything down on her planner, she does not, in fact, get life.


Which is just so genius.


Though 14 Days is only four chapters in, we already have the far more emotionally intuitive Edward unlocking Bella. She didn’t get this way for a reason, and needless to say, I’m all aquiver for him to successfully pursue the secrets of her past.


And then, of course. There’s the sex. It’s scheduled in, and when it’s scheduled in–there is no stopping it. No matter what hijinks might threaten to derail it.


As Bella says:

“Sunday was a done deal. I had gone on the date. He now owed me sex. I wasn’t going to let him back out of it.”

How could you not want to read that?

Kassiah says: Every once in awhile, you come across a story that is so funny, you know you better not consume any beverages while reading it (unless you are one of these crazies that enjoy ::screenspray::). How My Life Was Ruined in 14 Days is one of those stories. It. is. freaking. hilarious.


High School senior on the cusp of graduation, Bella is a planner. She has affectionately named her Blackberry “Bob” and plans every minute detail of her life. All of her classmates and even her teachers know that she always sticks to a schedule. So when she realizes that she has never planned for sex, it seems natural that she would find a way to work it into her life’s agenda. The no-nonsense way that she goes about figuring out who her sex partner will be is hilarious and downright endearing.


One of the funniest moments is when she asks Edward to participate in her new plan:

“I was wondering if you would like to have sex with me?” He made no physical indication of his reaction to the question, so I carried on quickly. “I was just looking through my schedule and saw that I had Sunday evening free, around seven o’clock?”

There is so much more to this story than just the humor, although, that alone makes it worth reading. MoonWitche has captured the anxiety that basically everyone goes through, from when plans don’t go as you expect to wondering about other people picturing you naked. She is so in tune to what it’s like to have these emotions, even though the premise for them is unconventional. It is well-written and just so real.


I found out about the story when MoonWitche tweeted that her Edward was an Orange Juice drinker. Everyone who knows me knows that I have an unexplainable obsession with OJward. She has even dedicated a chapter to me (In Which Edward drinks Orange Juice), for which I am eternally grateful. Trust me when I say, this story serves up the refreshing libation with everything fellow OJward aficionados want and more:

He raised the bottle to his mouth and the world shifted into slow motion. I could see the condensation on the bottle drip down to his fingers. A trickle of juice ran down the corner of his mouth. And then his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

guh.


I want you to read this story because it is total win. If you are looking for something that is fun and fluffy and just outright funny but isn’t foolish or far-fetched, 14 Days is the story for you.

mozzer0906 says: I think this is one of the most quirky, fun stories that I’ve read in Twilight in a long time. This Bella with her need to plan everything to the smallest detail makes me laugh out loud. At the same time I wonder what it is that makes Bella need such control over every detail of her life.

I love how moon.witche has stuck to only writing Bella’s point of view because it leaves everything going on in Edward’s mind a complete mystery. While I’d love to know what his reaction to her proposition to emotionless, scheduled sex was, I sort of love that I don’t know. I think it is refreshing to be left wanting and not getting every point of view there is to have. I highly recommend this well written, thoroughly enjoyable to read fic and I look forward to the antics of Bella and Bob (and no, he isn’t that kind of battery operated buddy) to come.