http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5027168/1/Edward_the_Sugar_Queen

Official Description: Edward is a sugar addicted seventeen-year old who thinks he is a vampire. He is in love with Chief Swan, who drives in the town’s supply of sugar every week. But when Bella arrives, she decides to destroy their relationship and take Edward for her own.

–
americnxidiot says: I’m pretty shameless about my love of ridiculous fics. I’m the one who discovers those stories that make you cry “wtf” and shake your head in confused disgust. In fact, I find them pretty damn amusing. So one particularly boring day a few months ago, I went fic diving. I set some parameters, searching for the weirdest/grossest pairings I could think of, and honestly what could be more bizarre/wtf than a fic that pairs Edward and Charlie? On the very first page of that search, I saw a short WIP called “Edward the Sugar Queen”, and I was sold, prepared to read two chapters of hopefully amusing badfic. But then I read the first two chapters… and I actually enjoyed it. A few more chapters in, and I can proudly say that “Edward the Sugar Queen” is the best Twilight crackfic I’ve ever read. Crackfic is a strange little genre, stuck somewhere between humor and the Twilight Zone. The plot of this one is as bizarre as the story itself: Edward is a mental patient with an addiction to sugar who falls in love with Charlie Swan, a man drives the sugar truck into town. When Charlie’s daughter Bella moves to Forks, she is instantly taken with the hyperactive boy and starts plotting how to make him hers. I can’t even describe this story any more without scaring some people away, so I’ll keep this pretty short. You can’t understand the beauty of crackfic until you read a good one. What could at first be mistaken for bad!fic is really anything but. It’s well written, the story line is definitely original, and it never fails to have me laughing out loud. So give crackfic and “Edward The Sugar Queen” a chance. If nothing else, it’s a great break from the angst.

MF’er says: Edward is in love with Charlie and is severely addicted to sugar which leads to people believing that he’s a sparkly vampire (because he likes to roll around in it, duh). When Bella comes to town she decides she just HAS to make her his, but can he be pulled from his Honey Bear? Will she be able to lure him with Smarties? All of our favorite characters make an appearance… Most of them live at the Cullen Institute. Alice has some kind of freaky puppet named Mr. Flipsy, Jasper can only say urnnn because he’s constipated, Rosalie is a bitch as usual… Jessica has two heads and Eric has some pretty fucking disgusting toenails while Mike has been graced with a few extra fingers… Sam and Jacob make an appearance too. Seriously this is just pure ridiculousness and hilarity that will brighten anyone’s day.

Kassiah says: Edward the Sugar Queen is seriously one of my favorite stories. Edward is so adorable and his love for Charlie almost makes me want Bella’s Evil Plan to Get Edward’s Love to be unsuccessful. Don’t even get me started on him being naked and sparkly. Throw in a narrow escape down an electric cable with a coat hanger, Carlisle thwarting Alice’s attempts at homicide by telling her “it isn’t nice,” and Edward’s pensive questions like “But if the universe contracts, won’t we all be squashed?” and you will agree that EtSQ is total fucking win and must be read. Right now.

mozzer0906 says: I consider this to be the crown jewel of crackfic. It is hysterically funny – there have been points where I have laughed so loud I scared my children. It is very well written and has certain takes on the canon – such as the characterization of Jasper – that were brilliant. The two authors have been able to completely suck me into the world where Edward is a crazed sugar addict living in a mental institution and Bella is plotting for his undying love. That alone makes it pure win. I squee when the update comes to my inbox. (Yes, I have this on alert.)